Anxiety: The BFF That You Wish You Could Ghost
Your heart is racing, you're sweating through your deodorant, muscles are tight, stomach is in knots, feeling like you want to vomit, and the idea of speaking up/flying/driving/going to the party/etc. feels as overwhelming as the idea of hiking Mount Everest. This is anxiety, and it’s what millions of people around the world feel. No one wants anxiety or to feel like this. Doing things without anxiety seems like a fantasy. Instead, anxiety seems like the codependent best friend forever (BFF) that you somehow got without knowing and can’t get rid of.
"Just Ghost Your Anxiety Already!"
Ghosting is the idea of cutting someone off without any communication prior to informing them.
Often, people believe that we can ghost our BFF Anxiety by following Nike’s motto: “Just do it.” I have yet to meet a person who hasn’t heard something to this extent when dealing with anxiety. I still see myself holding the phone and having a breakdown as my Dad told me to “just call them” when he wanted me to reach out to my friends. Honestly, does anyone really think someone dealing with anxiety would choose to feel like they’re constantly about to run a marathon?!?
How to Slowly Break Up with Your Anxiety
So if you can’t ghost your BFF, how do you slowly get out of this relationship?
Well, there are many ways to handle breaking up with anxiety, but they’re not immediate, contrary to some people’s opinions. First, let's be honest—I’m a therapist, so what am I going to start with? Yeah, you’re right—therapy!
I prefer EMDR with a subset of skills from CBT, as I find it a long-lasting treatment that addresses the underlying issues causing the anxiety. There are other modalities that people utilize to help them, and as long as you like your therapist and they’re supporting you with pushing yourself, no matter the modality, I’m sure you’ll make progress!
Another way to break up with anxiety is to check out your health. Obligatory statement: I am not a medical professional! However, there are links between anxiety and health issues such as thyroid issues, diabetes, and heart disease, all of which can create anxiety symptoms. So get checked out by a doctor. What’s the worst that could happen? They tell you it’s all in your head? So what? You already think that!
How to Handle Anxiety While You Work Up to Leaving It Behind
Okay, so ghosting anxiety isn’t an option, and whether you’re dealing with your anxiety in therapy or with a medical professional, it’s still going to take a while. So what can you do while working on getting rid of anxiety?
Well, there are several skills that you can utilize, so I’m just going to list a few. If you want more, Google is a great resource, as well as seeing me in therapy, lol.
Breathing: I know it seems pedantic, but it’s true. Taking deep breaths allows you to increase the oxygen in your blood, making your muscles relax. Instead of just taking deep breaths, try square breathing. This is where you breathe in, hold, breathe out, hold, and repeat. Each of these steps should be the same duration, for instance, 5 seconds, which is why this is called square breathing. This technique can help people focus their minds while still breathing.
Butterfly Hugs: Crossing your hands at your thumbs with the palms facing you, put both hands across your chest with your fingers under your collarbones. Now tap your hands, alternating the hands tapping one hand per second. This bilateral stimulation naturally calms a person down, as many people have said, like magic! If you’re in a situation where you don’t want to put your hands on your chest, then just try tapping opposing sides slowly.
Fact Check: Often, anxiety arises because our brain tricks us into thinking we're in danger. So, fact-check! Worried about flying? Google the statistics of airplane crashes and deaths (as well as locations). Worried about speaking in front of people? Think about past situations and what actually happened (e.g., you got through it, you didn’t throw up, you felt better afterward, you’ve never fainted, etc.)
Ghosting May Not Be Possible, But the Breakup Is Close
Don’t give up! Your codependent BFF can be removed from your life! I know it seems like they will never leave, but by utilizing some skills to deal with anxiety in the moment, as well as working through anxiety with a therapist or doctor, you can make progress.
If you’re in Arizona, Florida, Indiana, or Massachusetts, feel free to reach out and we’ll see if we would be a good match for either individual therapy and/or intensive therapy. Let’s get through this together!
*As I write this, the soundtrack in my head is “Lose Yourself” by Eminem, which I find is an appropriate one for anxiety.
